What Else is there?

I was in a moody mood when I started this post and this song has been in my mind for really a couple weeks now. I'm missing Montana. Even though I know it's freezing now.
I was icked out by the weather. I dislike slow drizzly cold wet slimy days when they can't be properly enjoyed. (at home with the kitties, a book, and tea)Tho the weather has changed for the better. Yesterday was beautiful in Frederick, MD. I chatted with some familiar folks and met some new (to me) photographers and Models. ( an improvement of my previous visit where I only chatted with two people both of who I had plans to work with prior to the meet-up) Joanies Cafe is a haven for cafe lovers and artists and kitties. True to Dan's word there was fantastic art to see and some incredible people to meet. I got to see some new prints of myself in a couple photographer's portfolios. That tickled nicely. I also met a few photographers whom I had admired through the nets that introduction to a face behind the images was nice. I also met a lady who graces both side of the lens. I approached her and put forth a request for her to pose for me. She was enthusiastic and we quickly agreed to shoot each other. Now let's see if the meeting fruits.


I've been thinking about too many things that I either shouldn't be thinking about or are thoughts to procrastinate other thoughts. I've been musing on the reasons why I do certain things. (like modeling) And my plans for the future.

Since moving back to the area, I've run into folks from school and it's frequently a surreal experience for me. You'ld think it should be warm and fuzzy or comforting to see people I know again; that I would try to reconnect. Part of going to MT for me was a disappearing act.


A little on purpose and a little on accident. Prior to leaving ( a year before) I ended a relationship that would have progressed the normal way a healthy happy relationship should progress. I would be married now. I would probably have a child by now, or be planning for one. I would probably be nearly finished with school by now. But I wasn't happy with that direction at the time. I was feeling a lack of control with my life letting it drift that way. It was comfortable but didn't feel right. I'm not a roving vagabond, but I do enjoy my freedom. I have a few close friends which I latched onto at various points and stay in fairly poor contact with them, but I know they are there and I try to let them know I am here. I tend to let everyone else slip away emotionally. I see these people again and where they are in their lives I think about coulda beens. ( not tasty like Lima beans) I am happy with my life and it's direction. I'm just not sure of that direction. It's the mid 20 angst I know but I still am questioning my self more than usual and it's leaving me shaky in my judgment in other areas.

I always say I model to be a part of the process. That's a bit of it and the easiest part. I'm always looking for something new. Different. Inspiring. Exciting. Surprising. Sometimes this search brings me a person, an event, a place, a time, a feeling, a conversation, an experience. I continue to model as part of my exploration of everything. The world around me, the world within me.
I strive to be honest with myself and those I interact with. Modeling both enables this and challenges this. Because other people do not see me the same way I see myself, they do not see the world around them/me/us the say way I do. I enjoy seeing the finished results regardless of whether it's "me" or my image/body/figure because it's a window into the photographers world. How they view and experience things effects how they see me. When I work with a photographer I feel like i am entering their world and to an extent exploring them as much as they are exploring me.

I like Kollin's world.



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Photos are Copy written by :

First two Christopher Ryan
Third and sixth by Rob Guimaraes
Fourth by Eye of Ra
Fifth edited with permission (c) 2009fotofolios
The last three by kollinbliss



It was me on that road
But you couldn`t see me
Too many lights out, but nowhere near here

It was me on that road
Still you couldn`t see me
And then flashlights and explosions

Roads are getting nearer
We cover distance but not together
I am the storm and I am the wonder
And the flashlights, nigthmares
And sudden explosions

I don't know what more to ask for
I was given just one wish

It's about you and the sun
A morning run
The story of my maker
What I have and what I ache for

I`ve got a golden ear
And cut and I spear
What else is there?
Roads are getting nearer
We cover distance still not together

If I am the storm if I am the wonder
Will I have flashlights, nightmares, sudden explosions

There is no room where I can go and
You`ve got secrets too

I don`t know what more to ask for
I was given just one wish




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Birthday Suit

Suit.... eeew that's one of those words that just don't look right after spelling them out. It's my 24 on the 24th birthday this year. Unfortunately I'll be donning the "black and kaki" not noodles.
I actually do want to say more tonight but I'm completely bushed and really need to get to bed. Middle of the work week and all. But! I do want to boast about my plans to hit the town on Saturday and attend the 2009 National Book Festival Dual mission there; Listen to/ meet Lois Lowry, and take photos.

Both photos in this post (and the banner above) are from an early summer shoot with Mike Metheny www.loneshepherd.com While I was kindly allowed to edit these two, all copyrights are held by the photographer. The goal this weekend is to upload the rest of the images from this shoot onto DA and maybe finish my thoughts here.

something dirty

Copyright: Rick Jolson 2009

a fresh start

Been sitting on this post for a while. I think I'll be posting more frequently and with less text after this.

I really wanted to make creative use of my spare room before renting it out. There are many memories in the window light and shadows of this room from when it was mine in high school. Then it was my brother's and he painted it orange. We now call it, 'the orange room' and luckily folks don't seem to mind the color. It's a cozy warm shade and I love, love the light in there. I wanted to get some photo time in and noticed the light on rainy days was nice. (we've been having a LOT of rainy days I don't remember spring being this wet. ) I set up a tripod and then played for a couple hours one day, a few minutes another day, and another couple hours a third day. It's been a couple months. (the room is now rented for the summer and not available for nakedness) The cats liked me playing on the floor and wanted to roll around too but i don't like cat tangled in my hair. That hurts.

In the photo world I've gone through a good portion of my own photos and begun purging the crap. The majority of images being dumped are tests, others are snaps that I no longer like or can't remember why I took in the first place. I've tried some new things in Photoshop and feel like I'm beginning to have a handle on how stuff works in there. There's more of a method to my editing with less guessing or accidental end results. It feels good.









I have a goal of going into DC and visiting something each week. So far that goal has failed to be actualized. I have been able to get my butt down there to visit the Sackler, the Castle, and the Museum of American Art. Lots more to visit and revisit. I have plans to go see this DC Artomatic thing http://www.artomatic.org/


I've crossed that line between creative outlet and professional interest with my modeling, photography, and future goals in both areas. I contacted a photographer on CL who had posted looking for a model. Instead of modeling for him, I was offered a job. It's sort of a mish-mash of working from home doing internet based research, and working as an assistant at the weddings he shoots. It's been great because each wedding has been really, really cool. This area is so diverse culturally as well as having a large range of venues where folks chose to get married. I love it. Basically I tag along and play. The scheduling is difficult to balance with my full time day/night job and the occasional photo shoot.



Last month I even got someone else to come down here and explore my house. Mr. mmk60 (or on DA where I hangout mmk60) That was fun! I tried some new things. (always good) We thoroughly explored my house from the guest room to the attic. He took some lovely, lovely photos. I do hope to work with him again maybe closer to his home.
Except for the first and last photos here (wich are self portraits) all images are © mmk60 2009

Home and a sticky situation

I apologize for the lack of words here since we left MT. I did attempt to blog from the road. Technology was not on my side that night. It was cell phone internet and right in the middle of the access to blogs with voluntary warning pages issue. I swear it was the most thought provoking and mind opening insight I could give into the world and life of an girl who models nude! :P

I am surprised that people read this. I guess I shouldn't be, but it's what I was afraid of.

We are home for now. And where is home? Home is where the kitties are. Home is where the bed with a boy is. (and all the fun things that happen in the bed, with the boy) Home is coffee and tea in the morning with bacon and eggs. Home is where the desktop computers are set up, with fast internet for our daily fix of super condensed information. Home is now also a bit of dog induced routine. Letting him out at 7:30 then the food and the treats. The evening ends with a walk before bed. He is like a two year old. He can't be left alone without entertainment or he gets in trouble. He is incredible needy and will whine till you pet him. All the reasons I like other peoples dogs. Because they ain't mine! The kitties are so adaptable. They have to go out into the garage to eat because the dog will eat their food. He's smarter than he lets on. There's a weirdness with windows in this house too. Two windows look into the garage from the living room. So we've set up a table for the kitties to jump up onto. Then they go through a cat door in the window. There is a table on the other side. They jump down onto it and eat there. Home is where the boy and I have our life together. For now, my heart is in NoVA.

Rick Jolson contacted me on MM almost immediately after I updated my zip code. I'm very glad he did. It was a wonderful afternoon. We played with light and Karo syrup! His playful boxer greeted us at the door and kept an eye on activities all afternoon. And his wife was baking cookies! Seriously! Chocolate chip too, the boy tells me they were delicious. I can vouch for that as I snitched a tiny little bite, for posterity. (not enough to get sick, but plenty to tempt further transgressions...) Rick was great because he keeps a dialogue going about what he's doing and changing and adjusting. I like that. Even if I don't understand the whys, I can understand enough to get the whats. And I like being explained to about the lights and the angles and whats going on around me. I really dislike working with photographers who talk down at me and don't try to explain what they're doing, assuming that a model wouldn't be interested in such things.

Ah ok. Rick knew what he wanted and was great at guiding me in the direction he wanted me to go. I don't move around a lot during a shoot. I change position when asked. As I get more comfortable with a photographer, and the photos they are taking I am better at knowing when to change and where to move to and when to stop. My enduurance is low, and it is hard for me to hold absolutely still for long exposures. I work best when inspired. It's very hard for me to cold start posing. Things I need to work on! Looking at the images after the shoot it was nice to see our progression through the afternoon. At the start I was stiff and awkward, the lights were a little off. After a bit things smoothed out and all the photos looked awesome. I am very very pleased with these images from Rick.

This was the first photo session where there was an image where I do not recognize the girl looking back at me. She is a stranger. I feel that this is a good thing. Blueriverdream is coming into her own. I can let her go and be not-me.

I go through phases of hating the idea of modeling. It always happens when I decide that maybe this is something I could do as more than an occasional hobby. Maybe, just maybe I could stand doing this regularly and have a more professional attitude towards it? Especially right now, where I feel like I would do anything for money. Ends need to be met and my skill set is feeling rather empty. And really how is modeling that much better/different than waiting tables? (figuratively, from a female perspective)

Whoa wait. I have a rule: Have fun. If this ain't fun I won't do it. Creativity, girl hang on to it.

Back on track here, this shoot was crazy fun. I like messy and edible. I had mentioned this fact a long with several messy and edible ideas in my e-mails with Rick.

Originally it was pasta, but Karo syrup presented itself. Lovely sticky messy stuff. Not popular with people who have floors that are nice and clean. :) It was strait to the shower after this. Only, I couldn't walk there myself. Lovely textures and lines there in these photos right?




I'm off to start my first shift at a new job. Then tomorrow will be crazy busy with most likely running up to Baltimore. An interesting opportunity on the way back. Then Georgetown with my brother for the evening. He'll be 20 on Saturday. I promised to take him out.

Yes I skipped the Dirty Show! We'll have a time warp back to that later...



All images in this post are copyright Rick Jolson 2009.

Life is Great

It really is. Especially when I get to work with photographers like Steve. His motto for his photographic adventures matches my own attitude: "If we're not having fun, we're doing something wrong."


After posing for Rob/ Nihilus a bit back in VA then moving out here, I thought that was the end of playing nude in front of a camera. I had tons of ideas and fanciful notions about shoots, but no serious modeling thoughts. I don't so much want to model as I want to play. That's what this is for me, playtime. This doesn't mean I don't want to/won't play hard and dirty. That said I prefer to "work" only with photographers who share this sentiment. Life Is Great Images definitely does. We first talked about working on some experiments with underwater nudes months before we could set our schedules in accord. When we finally got the chance, our shoots were very much learning experiences in what does not work for under water photography. The water does funny things to light, movement, and colors. We knew this and were actually counting on it both as a challenge and as a hearty helping of "Ooh that looks nice." Not many of these came out as workable images. In my editing I tried to highlight or exaggerate what I liked about them. So, the amount of photoshop used may cause nausea in anyone reading this who feels as tho an image should be left alone. We've worked together many times since and on several ideas. Each session continues to be a learning experience. It's really the process and the company I'm after tho. A few of my favorite images have been from a session when he came out to the new apartment the Boy and I are currently living in. Before we moved any furniture in; the place needed a photo shoot. I am in love with the deep windowsills. (as were the cats) I swear I'm not exaggerating when I say they're a little over a foot deep. We've got em covered in plastic and heavily draped now with the -10 F degree weather and snow.



He has opened his house to myself and the boy many times. His adorable corgi seems to enjoy our visits as much as we do. He knows how to melt a girls heart that dog. This last shot was from a really crack of dawn early day. (Which gave us gorgeous light.) I had gone out there to meet another photographer and it worked out that they both shot me in a field. (lolz) I tried to focus on doing things with my hands and arms that shoot. I'll have more from it up later.



Ok I lied that wasn't the last image. This one, from our last shoot is it I swear.

All images in this post were taken by and are Copy Write owned by: Life Is Great Images
Editing was by myself, blueriverdream except for that very last one there.

A Mess

Things are a bit of a mess at the moment. Both here, in the new house, figuratively, and literally. Nothing too bad; Just a little disarray.

A lot's been going on since we got back from our trips. We moved. There was no internet for a little bit. Lots of cleaning and shopping, and packing and unpacking. We got a lovely comfy gorgeous new mattress set. Queen, individual pocket springs, memory foam top, new pillows, good deal. (I've discovered that my pillow complex is because I'm a "side-sleeper") The whole thing was a combined gift too. We've mostly furnished the new place, just in need of a sofa/couch/futon/thing now. There's nowhere for people to sit other than our two computer chairs and the 3 kitchen chairs and the two camp chairs.

So online the mess is I've moved the blog, and changed names. Photos will be back in a little bit I have to re-upload them. I'm also working of doing some serious photo sorting done for the website project and you know just so I can look at my photos. Giving Lightroom a try. This may require a couple new hard drives and a RAM upgrade though.

Trips

I will be using this image on the "splash" page for the future web-site. (one day it will exist, along with my coat project, and box-lamp, and various other ongoing projects .) I love it. .
Todd Brown in Portland was very generous with his hospitality on our trip through Oregon. Also, since people seem to note these things, and I definitely noticed, he has an excellent and healthily eclectic taste in music. This one was from the same shoot, no I wasn't dancing here. These two seem to me to go well together as a diptych. Movement is something I enjoy seeing explored photographically. Mostly because its a little paradoxical.
I was reminded of this trip because it was last years "big adventure." The boy and I are about to embark on this years big adventure this coming Saturday. Wish us luck and great fun. I won't tell too much of the plans because then expectations may arise. But... there may some really cool stuff happening... We are NOT going to Rome. We are NOT getting married. I am NOT quitting my job. (tho I found out today that many folks at work thought that one or all of the above were the case. ) There is a wedding, in Scotland. For his cousin, fancy stuff.

Now for a dinosaur photo straight outta my camera from our recent venture in the Museum of the Rockies. Cool place. I think I'll post some of my own snaps and photos in here as well.
And the outside:

Some overdue business in the nude area

So, I never did kick-start this blog thing. I've got several unposted half entries. Since I'm kinda of aiming to keep this modeling or at least photography oriented, I should post some images right? Problem is I don't know where to start. I figured maybe the beginning?

In a past life I was a waitress. I discovered that a coworker was also a hobbyist photographer, tho our subject matter and angles of approach were very different. I was coming from a dark-room oriented art student mentality. The process and power of photography captivated (still does) me. He was coming from an entirely self-taught point- and-shoot angle. Eventually we developed a friendship which carried over to me modeling for him. I had posed nude for "photo sets" before. But these were the type hidden on an unmarked floppy away from moms. This was something with artistic merit, a creative goal, and technically my first couple shoots weren't nude at all, but they lead up to it. I'm going to post images here that haven't seen light on my other web hangouts. (DeviantArt and MM) All are by that first photographer and continued friend, Nihilus.

Nude but not Erotic

I model on occasion, usually nude. I like to think that it's artistic and tasteful. I certainly consider the photographers I work with to be artists.
I know that nudity equals boobs and that almost all of the photographers I've worked with are male. I know that I'm attractive, and that me being naked is usually a good thing. The boy and I joke that I make the world a happier place when I do this. I know that by posting my photos on the internet I may receive extra attention from sources I'd rather not know about.

So, all that said, why do I "model"? On my MM profile I say that, "I am interested in art, especially photography, as a process." It is fun, most of the time. I do like to get out there and try new things, have adventures, and meet new people. I'm finding that it is challenging too.

I'm learning about myself. I'm learning about my limits, my boundaries, and my discomforts. I'm learning what I like; how I like to be seen and what I want to show of myself. I'm finding that these are not always things that you can just know. I can make a list of things that "I'll never do" (like porn) but what about those in between bits (like erotic nudes or fetishes)? While I'm confident in my ability to say No and recognize situations that could become dangerous, safety and comfort are two (almost) totally different things. I've always believed that we don't truly know our personal boundaries until they have been crossed. Time after time I have found this to be true, not just for myself but from other models, even photographers. It's a very personal experience to find what you are comfortable with and capable of. I think it's called growing up.

Anyways, I like being nude i don't think that will ever get old even as I do. This goes way beyond photography and modeling. These just provide opportunity. For me it's not about seeing how these people see me. I haven't really cared about that in a long time. Its about the creating, the being a part of the photos. My favorite shoots are the more experimental ones. Where myself and the photographer are trying something "new." These tend to be technically challenging, rarely produce many "good" images, and involve me getting cold, wet, or both. It's a lot of fun! Fun with lights, LEDs, EL wire, dry ice, paints, liquid latex, water, underwater, jam, feathers, fabric, fans, new cameras, old camera, film experiments: I love it! Not all aspects of a shoot are always planned out, but I usually get a pretty good idea of what to expect and what I'll be asked to do.

I'm not big on me and sexy. I mean I understand that I can look sexy, in and out of photos. But it's not something I work on. Sexy requires a certain desire to seduce. I'm not seductive, attractive maybe, but not actively trying to seduce. This is compounded by a thing with my eyes where they don't work quite right. I can not (believe me I've tried) stare down the camera, or the guy behind the camera. Doesn't even work for the guy in my bed. Also, I don't find modeling to be a turn on in any way. Just, no. So when I am asked to "do something erotic" during a shoot, it doesn't exactly go over very well.

Because I am most eager to pose nude "erotic" comes up a lot. I am most comfortable in front of a camera nude. I am most uncomfortable in front of a camera immediately after being asked to strike an erotic pose. I have actually gotten angry with a photographer who would not move on with the shoot after I made it quite plain to him, (in my mind) that he was not going to get erotic out of me. I do not equate nude with erotic and I dislike that term being thrown at me in the middle of a shoot.

If afterwards the photographer or anyone else looking at/over the photos comments on a particular image or set being "erotic" that is fine. The difference is this is a reaction to the images, not something I was actively seeking to elicit at the time of the photo being taken. I am comfortable with honesty and if I can't be totally honest with myself and everyone involved, I lose focus and then interest in a shoot. I may even not decide not to shoot with that photographer again depending on the context and and my level of discomfort at being asked for "erotic."

I realize many people photographers and even models will go, " what? that makes no sense woman! Do you realize how many doors you have just slammed? Or how little sense you make?"
Yeah I kinda do. I'm not saying I won't do erotic images, I have and will continue to in the future I'm sure. It's just that I am not comfortable with the goal of eroticism in a photo shoot. I do not equate being nude with being erotic.